Exploring Gender and Queerness

After the past year I was ready to welcome a break from drag. I didn’t put any time limit on it or anything and just figured I would return, because drag had enriched my life so much it was hard to imagine not returning. But part of me was really tired of the whole process from binding and jockstraps to wigs and makeup. Its been about a month now and all I have done is borrowed a shirt or two from Izzy’s wardrobe and wore the binder for a function I presented as androgynous at.

I feel it nagging me as I get to work here in Colorado. I found full time work, of course I am still taking care of elderly people. Now as I realize what weekends I have off I want to start checking out drag shows in the Denver area. I can feel it itching at my soul. Its like I gotta bring Izzy out, drag is the easiest venue. Of course I have also considered searching the local theaters and present myself as a male impersonator. I really thought this through as I listened to a cross dresser I encountered here in the Boulder area talk about the need to express that side of themselves. I also feel like its a great outlet for some of my rather crude masculine traits and a way to express some of my creativity, especially in dance. 

So yes I have safely arrived in the Boulder, CO area, settled into my new home, found a full time job and now find myself itching for Izzy. So stay tuned to see how it begins here CO.


In the past year I have been very busy doing drag all over the state of PA and have been learning a lot about the art in the process. The deeper I get into the scene the more I realize just how impactful it has been on the evolution of equality as a whole on our society. Drag has been around for a long time and as more and more gay bars hosted drag shows in the past 20-30 years I have been watching. I have always felt a kinship with drag queens and always respected their art. First of all doing drag is dangerous, less these days depending on where you are in the world, but in the past it has proven to many that hate for those that are different certainly exists. We have all heard tons of stories of drag queens, cross dressers and transpeople of all sorts being the victims of violent crimes related to their gender expression. This is a scary thought when your on stage in front of 100’s of people at a public event like pride. Or how about late nights in the gay bar when some creepy guy seems to be stalking all the drag performers. Drag takes boldness, bravery, and strength. My respect for the art has increased in the past year to a point that I find myself more and more passionate about it. Even as I look to my future, after I move to Colorado at the end of October, I realize that Izzy will need to be brought to a new community in Colorado. I cannot abandon this amazing art.

When I brainstorm what I would like to do I must ask myself what message I am carrying. As a title holding drag king it is my responsibility to carry certain messages. I often like to carry songs that encourage sex positivity, discouraging the shaming of sex. Sometimes I carry the everyone is beautiful message other times I challenge gender roles, my personal pet pieve. Another message I like to bring to the stage is to spread the love. When it comes down to things we all want love, everyone, even so called evil people. I have been in the darkest corners of our world and I have witnessed love among the darkest people in our cultures, if nothing else they love each other. Love, Peace, and Happiness is all everyone wants when you remove all the bullshit. So when I considered what message to bring as a I ran for the Mr. Lancaster PA Pride 2014 – I carried this very important message in my talent number for the pageant. So why leave that number just for the crowd that attended the pageant (which is usually just drag performers, pageants are drag for drag fans) Instead I decided to bring that message to the Amateur Drag Race during a time that I made life choices that challenged other people’s values. I might be different but in the end you can choose to love me instead of judging me. It can be hard depending on what values someone challenges but in the end it is the only way to achieve peace, and we all know that the drama, violence, and war is not something anyone wants. So just loving someone removes the escalation to things that no one wants. Loving is hard because it makes us vunerable, leaving us feeling as if we can be hurt. But once you find deep compassion you realize that feeling the pain, forgiving, and moving forward simply powers your own evolution to a peaceful happy human being. The vulnerability simply opens you up to a deep evolution to what we all want, contentment and a life full of love and happiness. The entire process completely eliminates drama, violence, and war. So love really is the answer we all needed, I warn you though, its not always easy. There are times and situations that I struggle more than others but at other times I find it easier and easier. Drag, I have simply loved everyone. At times it was hard but with practice it got easier and easier. I was led to a drama free drag career that has been full of all sorts of love. From a loving drag family, to loving drag friends, a loving drag wife, and a loving community that supports all I do. Really it has been a pleasure doing drag with Central PA, although I am looking forward to the more progressive Boulder, CO area. What a fantastic foundation I have had and all the connections I have made have amazed me again and again. Simply the love in my heart flows heavy in the drag world, no matter where I am.

So when I did this talent number again at the Amateur Drag Race I was sharing my experience in life with a very boosted ego. I often allow the ego to come out in Izzy Ahee as long as he doesn’t bend basic values, like hurting someone. I have seen the world from the eyes of RadioActive and felt the chemicals and poisons of the world. I completely consumed it. Then I took a dark moment, made a few adjustments and emerged with love of diversity in my heart. The rainbow represents diversity, not just “gay” – Here I also know that the first step to changing the world is to change myself. So yes I think we should all love each other unconditionally but this evolution must happen to me first. I must love everyone unconditionally first, then I can show others. So Yah! I am gonna “Save the World” because I am working to love everyone unconditionally.

Amateur Drag Race 2014

I was honored to be asked to be a coach for the Amateur Drag Race 2014. First of all, the drag race was where I started a year ago. I was excited to see the newest amateur drag queens and kings and also to have a small piece in helping them develop their personal drag persona. My love for drag has a long history into my early adulthood even before I was out of the closet as a lesbian, butch, gender variant, and now drag king. Drag’s gender bending nature combined with music, creativity, and strong heart has kept me passionate about drag for many years.

In my personal drag experience I started at the drag race in order to explore the idea of being a drag king myself. I was in the race last year and I learned so much. I learned about how to dress, how to interact with my audience, and how to get their attention. I made a bunch of great friends also entertainers of all sorts. My performances led me to other places like being adopted into the DeAire family and performing at all sorts of family shows. I am part of a cast at a bi-monthly show that includes great benefits and even better friends. I have been invited as a guest performer at many shows in the area. I have been in 3 competitions and won 2 of them. I have the title of Mr. State Street 2014 and Mr. Lancaster PA Pride 2014. I am the first alternate for Mr. Hope 2014.  The amateur drag race was a launching point for my drag persona, Izzy Ahee.

Now I have the opportunity to give back to a wonderful opportunity for new performers. I have been given the opportunity to help guide the newest kings and queens in the Central PA area. I was so happy to encourage two new drag kings to be part of the drag race. As I returned to the drag race, this time as a coach, it felt a little like being home. I get to see my drag mother, drag wife, great drag queen friends, and get to know the newest talent. Behind stage is fun and becoming a really great place for both kings and queens. Lots of cooperation and less competition, keeping it fun and educational for all of us.

The first week I was coach for Robyn Innocence and Maxwell Treats. Robyn Innocence has been so exciting to work with for the past 6-7 months and we have had many fun times together. I witnessed Robyn’s first experience and have been by her side for many of them. This time I got to support her in her search for the perfect performance and runway dress. I was so happy when she finally got me the pictures and I was confident in her ability to deliver the Spanish version of Frozen. I almost cried as she performed on stage and I was so proud. I feel more like a big brother than a nephew to Robyn but our family is special for many reasons.

Maxwell Treats had me inspired to stand and cheer! His performance of “Rebel Rebel” was amazing and it totally floored me. I was so proud of him and can’t wait to see what he does next. I was happy to show him a few tricks about make-up, packing, and facial hair.

Both of them had great attitudes about the competition and drag in general. They are helpful to other performers and have a back stage presence that is welcoming and fun. I am so happy to have supported them in their win!

I was also so happy to do a performance with my drag wife, Belladona. Of course we did something totally freaky “I Fink you Freaky” by DiAntwood. It was my first time doing techno rap and it was certainly a challenge. Those lyrics were tough to grasp and I didn’t perfect them in a week but the performance and live snake seem to make up for my lack of perfection in the lyrics.

Overall the drag race is proving to be so much fun as a coach, even more fun than it was a performer. My nerves were so out of hand in the competition that as a coach they are largely lessened, making the drag race tons of fun! If you live in the area I strongly suggest coming out to the show because the entire show is packed with excellent entertainment!

Every Sunda

Stallions Club in Harrisburg, PA

This was not my first Pride festival by any means but was certainly the first time I had experienced a Pride Festival from the point of view of Drag King. For many many years though my favorite part of any Pride Festival has been the Drag Queens. I went out of my way to see their shows out of love for the art. So this year serving as King of Pride in Lancaster, PA was an honor and exciting all at the same time.

My nerves had my heart pounding most of the day and I know by days end I was a hot mess in nerves. This was my largest event and there were many people. I know I wasn’t the only performer with anxiety, its not an easy thing to do. Drag takes major bravery and passion for the art of gender bending. Of course there is the normal nerves about performing in front of many people but there was also other things. There have been many men killed for wearing a dress and many womyn raped for appearing masculine. We break societies rules in front of a public audience. We dance around and laugh at the gender construct knowing that someone is likely very uncomfortable about it. By simply performing we make ourselves a target. I think for many of us its the scariest part of Pride and I know it crossed my mind more than once. I am sure the Queens struggled with the same thoughts and fears, somehow we all moved past it and had a successful show.

The best part was all the varieties of people interested in trying drag. Drag is such an opener of doors for people. It helps them explore the other side of gender allowing for the exploration of it full time or just as a performer. Do we want to honor our masculine side some of the time or do we want to have it be who we are. I spoke to young transmen about how this will help them feel more confident in their decision to transition, since it is irreversible. Then I spoke to young ladies that identified as femme but were told silly things like they are too girly for it. Have you seen some of the Queens that do this? Truck Drivers wear dresses so get over your dam gender roles now! Gender is a social construct and regardless of how you dress or what genitalia you have it does not apply if you choose to dismiss the social construct. Drag is a form of dismissing social constructs. Then there were young gender variant people that are questioning their gender and Drag provides the perfect place to do so. I had a fantastic time having conversations about drag and what it means to people.

All 4 of my numbers went off without a huge hitch. “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” By Israel Kamakawiwo’ole was tons of fun. I managed to lai 11 people in less than 4 minutes….what a fun accomplishment. Then I did “Happy” by William Pharrell which can be imagined to be a large hit and very popular. I thought it was great fun to make everyone laugh and dance. My third number was a deep song for me at this time “Smooth” by Santanna has a special place in my heart. The best part was to make the girls blush and feel special.

The finale’ was my Pride though, absolutely. I was so nervous about this song. I had asked a bunch of queens to support me in the song and since no one answered…I wondered if anyone would support me. Then I decided to have faith in the music and in my ability to bring people together. I began to spread my word around the festival, asking them to join us on stage at the end. The song I chose was “Waiting on the World to Change” by John Mayer – a very political song with passionate words about unity. Many years Drag queens and queers of all kinds have been waiting on the world to change. It all started in little bars in dark alleys and now look at us under the sun of the day in a public park! Truly this performance not only involved the queens but everyone that chose to participate with their hearts. Many people sat upon that stage and we all shared in our PRIDE!



This was my third and final pageant for 2014 and I hesitated to take it on. After State Street Contest and The Hope Pageant plus my summer adventures I wasn’t sure I could squeeze it in. But I really wanted to be part of the Pride drag scene, last year it was the most interesting part of the entire festival. I wanted to run for Central PA Pride here in Harrisburg but I was already committed at other events on the same date as the pageant. So for 2014 I decided to grab the next closest town, Lancaster, PA. So preparing the pageant was much simpler this time and with limited funds we had to simplify a lot of things. First we had plenty of experience with what was expected and taking care of all of the details.

First I had to have a photo, a face shot, as it was described in the packet. I had a great friend Derek Gamble stop over one day and take some photos of me with my “face on”. His creative juices got to flowing and the next thing you know we had the perfect shot and an idea for mixed coloring. The photo itself was black and white but the rainbow tie was left in color- bringing a very kingly prideful type king to the picture.

Then at the pageant I was so excited to meet the other kings. I prefer a more cooperative competition myself and I notice most kings do better overall in them. They are more likely to bring their best to the stage and really shine, plus its more fun that way. I know that the State Street Contest had the feeling of cooperative competition that made it so much fun! I love to help the other kings and sharing is the only way I know how to be comfortable. I like to encourage everyone’s personal best in their own style and thats for kings and queens alike. Will Getter was a very interesting king since he had been performing at his church’s drag show for years. He had a great attitude and was full curiosity. Shane Bradley was a king that I had been trying to help before the pageant. The pageant was his very first performance – he is certainly brave. His beard looked really good and he has the perfect body to be a sexy half naked type king. I really hope to see both of them at the Lancaster, PA Pride Drag Show.

The first time the judges see you, other than in that photo, is for what they label “presentation” – Its not judged but they remind you that this is the first impression to the judges. I don’t really know too much about the scoring and all that hodge podge but I guess that statement implies we need to impress the judges. Weeks before hand I had spent a lot of time thinking about Izzy as a King and frankly I wanted to be sure that I brought my heart to the stage. My heart is big and I don’t want it to get lost in the shenanigans. I want to prove that there is a time and place for everything – bondage scenes, dicks in boxes and then other times for tap dancing & noble kings. I just don’t want to always be in any box, I did that the last performer I put together. This time I wanted to include a bit of everything – but most of all I love to make people smile. Whether you are laughing at my dick in a box, my pointy ears, or my silly hat – when you see Izzy I want you to smile. So in this idea about this performer I wanted to be sure I brought my heart to the stage as well as my nobility and honor to the queens. There were colors attached to kings and queens, kings were black – queens were pink. I wore black and pink for presentation, as well as a flashy pin. I felt like I brought to stage a king whom I could be proud of.

Then we had formal along with on-stage question. Again I wore a black tux and a pink comberbone and bow tie. I think I was ok on the mic, at least that wasn’t the hardest part. Moving my body and listening intently to a queen with a thick spanish accent were bigger challenges. My question was “What advice did you get when you first started drag? How does it help you today?” I answered simply that the advice I had gotten was to “have fun” – Drag is an art – a creative outlet and expression of a part of each of us. Most of us are just regular people and we are just doing this for the fun, the art, and the expression of something inside. So to wrap my brain around that its just for fun completely changed my attitude about a lot of things, such as the cooperative competition. Let’s all bring our personal best and make it about the art, not who wins! Anyway as I spoke about this I looked out in the crowd and realized pageants are really about the “drag community” choosing their favorite. Most of the audience were drag performers or involved in the community in some way. So they fully understood what I was trying to say.

Then it was time  for the talent. I had two songs mixed “Radioactive” by Imagine Dragons mixed with “Save the World” by Swedish House Mafia that were mixed by a guy on facebook called “Cuntalicious Rex” He is also a drag queen, just not local, and was able to mix something that makes “drag” sense. I needed it to portray that the world was awful and polluted – the apocolypse type feeling. Then I was gonna “save the world” by uniting us all. He mixed it perfectly and within the time frame given. So I wanted to do a sort of costume change from radioactive to Save the world. Radioactive was green and grungy with the led lights and raver gloves I was able to really have a good time with it. Then when I removed my cape to a rainbow shirt and my gloves went from neon green to neon rainbow it brought a completely different feel to the audience. It really spoke in volumes about diversity, unity, and love – some of my major values. A noble strong king was born.

Then when it was time I was crowned by drag grandmother, Whitley Nycole DeAire and the former Pride queen 2013 Minaj A Twa. Winning the crown was fun and the crown itself is really gorgeous. I feel like I earned it – I worked really hard to honor the art of drag. My costume for the talent is depicted in the pictures below and we worked hard to be sure this entire talent really showed the world my heart and intentions. I am truly honored and humbled by the crown. I feel honored to represent the King of Pride at the Lancaster, PA Pride event this summer and look forward to a similar honor when I appear at the Central PA Pride event in Harrisburg in July.


Noticing the Balance

Recently I am having a short break from drag meanwhile I dive into my other interests in life such as alternative spiritual practices, intentional fires, drum & dance circles, nature, organic sustainable gardening, and festivals of all sorts. Everything is completely different for me than last spring and early summer. One of the biggest differences is that I noticed the emergence of my feminine, as if I pulled a bunch of weeds from around her and she is filling in. I feel, honestly, more balanced. As if the ability to express my masculinity has allowed for me to have a more stable feeling of balance. I feel like I have one foot in each gender expression. Which allows for the androgynous to emerge, the neither. It seems to be how I reach that feeling of androgynous is to be sure both have a strong outlet.

When I was a mother of a young boy and a wife to a husband I felt off balance and I knew it – I just didn’t know the path. I just began to weed the path like the patient virgo I am and upon it I discovered that I was not simply a mother and I no longer wanted to be a wife. I had so much more to me and my masculinity often threw temper tantrums. I pursued my desires for other womyn and was given the space to begin to discover my masculinity. When I got into drag I was given a stage, a place and an outlet to express what is masculine for me. Its like an honoring of our internal masculine.

Then as I learned from the strongest womyn I know how to handle large fires with gorgeous presentation. How to enjoy each moments beauty and to find it, no matter what is going on around you. Then I began to notice my plants this spring and mugwort, a very feminine medicinal herb, got my attention. We had a dance and I honored my internal monthly cycle that reminds me of my inner femininity. I talk about it here in my Butch Journey’s Blog. Then I simply allowed her space with no fears about how others will feel about my gender expression. At this point in my life it no longer matters. I don’t care how you see my gender or its expression – you are welcome to your own interpretation, I would love to hear all about it.

As for me I am simply androgynous at this time, finding neither gender present. Interestingly, I feel balanced. It’s a good feeling.

Hobbit @ PA Faerie Festival

What is gender?

As for drag, although I have been supporting shows for years in various ways, I am very new as a Drag King myself. A reminder that my first public performance was August 2013 at the Amateur Drag Race in Harrisburg, PA. I did one at a private party at my house about 2 months prior for a group of women.  Most performers have been at this for a year or more, I remind myself that this is all very new to me.

The reason I chose to participate in this competition was for one simple reason, I personally suffer from depression and suicidal tendencies. I have a life-time of stories of being bullied from being kicked almost to death on a city street at 8 years old to being bullied at work. I insist that not only can we be healed from depression and suicidal tendencies but we can also stop bullying. I don’t like to say “never” but it will be awfully hard to change my mind about these subjects as far as them being permanent and an acceptable part of human nature. Human’s can be kind to each other and the abuse CAN stop among us. I am not the only one that thinks so and many expressions of this idea have emerged. The Foundation for Hope is an example of that idea. Hence the drive to compete, even though I am so new at this whole Drag King thing. Also I don’t really enjoy competition as much as I love cooperation. I know many lesbians like this, its not unusual in the lesbian culture.

Anyway the first part of the competition was the personal interview. The packet welcomed us to arrive as chose to present “professional” to the judges. For me, professional means WOMYN, and when I say WOMYN I mean that woman that makes everyone part on a city street. A powerful professional strong WOMYN with a mission. That’s exactly how I presented myself. Gender means nothing to me. Plus the whole fun and art of drag is the gender bending part, well and the outrageous part. I love genderbending because its comfortable for me and makes more sense than sticking in a gender box. I DO NOT CHOOSE a gender. Plus, powerful women are sexy.  The interview itself was easy for me… especially if your asking me questions about my passion. I have no issues being on a soap box, my issue is stepping down. I feel so strongly and passionately about things I am constantly trying to tame my emotional reaction to things. But this interview was the TIME & PLACE for all that passion to pour forward. It did and I won this category.

The next part was creative costume, The Hobbit. I chose to do a Hobbit type of costume in honor of a young man that I was a youth leader for. Creative, intelligent, and he looked like a hobbit. Not on purpose just by his build, body hair, hair, and he hated shoes. During his youth he was bullied, ignored and underestimated. Since I had similar experiences in my youth I befriended him and we together we had a kinship that carries into his young adult years today. He truly embraces his Hobbit today, he has a job as a Hobbit innkeeper. So actually I did him, not the Hobbit, but most people wouldn’t know the difference. Plus all the things that make me weird in my everyday life are a lot like the Hobbit. My eating habits, my fear but love for travel, my bravery, love for trees and hills, and my desire for a hobbit house has a deep place in my heart. Plus I love to host my friends at my home. I have a lot of Hobbit traits I could just sit here and list for you. But truly I love my Hobbit costume even if my legs are sticky for a week afterwards.


Then the next portion was formal, my least favorite. I have never been good at politics or anything proper, I always am annoyed at the fakeness. If just feels fake to me, hence why I added my own style. I added a top hat and my father’s hand carved antique cane. Frankly I thought it was pretty good but a few mistakes were made, likely cause our hearts just isn’t into it. But next time we will be more careful. My comberbond was messed up and I am not totally sure about how to walk as a modeling proper male. I will get it next time, it was a lesson for us.

Next was the talent of course. I did a song called “Embers” by Owl City – which actually has more meaning than just the message in the song itself. Embers is about me spinning fire this summer. I learned to spin fire and this winter I have accumulated everything I need to take a spiritual journey with fire. It sits beneath my computer now awaiting my first beltaine fire. I spun my flags which are simply a less “dangerous” form of poi than fire and frankly I think it was pretty dam cool. Along with an amazing wig from my Drag granma Whitley Nycole DeAire. It was amazing but I made a few mistakes likely because I just love spinning poi so much and looked up a lot, which likely lead the judges to think I didn’t know the words. I know the words to that song so well I don’t have to think about it, they flew out of me like the flags spun around me. But I was caught in what my soul needed at that point. After 10 hours of a room full of competitors I needed me time and those flags do that for me. They gave me exactly what I needed, an outlet. Except it wasn’t the “time or place” for it.



I lost the pageant by 7 our of 1000 points. Seems like strange luck to me, odd even. But for me it is just a clear message from the universe. Embrace your Mr State Street – show the world your goofball – make the world laugh. Don’t keep him hidden. I love comedians because I love to laugh, laughter can help me get out of a depression. Sex is also part of Mr State Street, at least for me, and frankly sex positivity is another passion of mine. Sex positivity is important in our world because removing the shame from sex can empower humans to heal sex offenders of all kinds, therefore healing a lot of depression, suicidal tendencies, and bullying.  Sex positivity is powerful, it IS part of our human nature. “Sex is part of nature, I go along with nature.” Marilyn Monroe – and I am not the only one that thinks so. Buck Angel is my sex positive and gender hero!




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